Waiting 2...

Well not much to say, i've been spamming my post here lately but while waiting for the firms' confirmations. I did a little practice on my skills and I made this:

well it ain't the best but I hope it's good work. Til next time! Ciao! ;)

Notes: I did everything on renders, the architecture and editing. The credits for the cars go to their respective modellers (forgot their names but thank you very much!)

Waiting...

Well it's been 6 weeks since I applied to the first architectural firm . My girlfriend and I took an exam at the same day we applied. Well to be honest, it was a fail move for me, I didn't get to finish the exam in its allotted time but hey, I had fun! I never expected a call from the firm anymore. For sure, because I failed their exam horribly and I believe they don't need another "me" in their firm.

5 days after our graduation rites I had an interview with the 2nd firm I applied to and yep dressed up for the part too. I looked as sharp as I could and sorry if i'm not as handsome as Ian Somerhalder or any of women's dream guys nowadays... anyway back to the topic! I liked the terms and conditions of this firm, you don't get to be an architect but also a versatile individual. You get to do this and that and pretty much deals about life, business and of course, a course that has come to my calling, Architecture. A day after my interview to said firm I did an rendering exam. I didn't know how I fared but then again, I had fun. I enjoyed the work needed and got to talk to new individuals too and these individuals are professionals, take note I put the big 'R' in respect because they're simply put, they are professionals. So I tried my best to talk when needed and kept silent the whole time hahaha. After the exam, as they said "we will contact you" I really don't know how I fared but then again, I enjoyed the exam, I did my best and hope to God he'd do the rest.

and the week after my exam from the 2nd firm, then came a mysterious number and when I answered it boom! Another opportunity from the third firm I applied to. I was to report the next day at 9am but when that day came damn it was sure fail. I woke up early for the exam, ate and took a bath. I confidently left home at 8:15am thinking I'd be there on time. Well whatdoyaknow? I didn't -_- The bus I took was too slow, it has to fill up it's load before going to the next stop. And when I say filling it up, I meant filling the whole bus up, literally! And what's worse the damn-awful traffic made my travel to my exam even slower. Believe me, when it says traffic in the Philippines, expect your vehicle not to move.

Well I still felt confident, so I just chilled and waited but when it came to the 8:50am mark, damn I'm still a bad 100 meters or more from my place of exam. The time just kept winding up and the bus arrived at the place around 9:10am. I stood from my place and squeezed thru all the people in the bus, yes still confident I would make it I still chilled but then there were this 4 women who said "they were going down too" so I let these women advance the highly-populated front area of the bus but to my surprise they didn't move anymore! WTH?! I'm just seconds away from my exam and these 4 women didn't budge anymore. And yep I missed the place by another 10-12 meter walk. But before I went down the horrid bus, to my anguish and anger I asked the women in the most serious and angriest of my voice (believe me, I don't explode as much but when I do, expect hell) I asked them "bababa ba talaga kayo?!" (are you women really going to drop by now?!) and they didn't say a word.

At the bus stop I was mad, saying "bobo, bobo, bobo," (stupid, stupid, stupid) and it was 9:25 already, I contemplated and told myself to let this one go, I'm late anyway and probably I have a chance with the other firm. The sun was comfortably hot, I looked at the sky and said "what the hell?". I wore my shades and walked to the firm from that bus stop. When I arrived, I was expecting my exam to be cancelled, but still by the power of God, I still did the exam. As far as I could tell, the exam wasn't hard nor easy but then I enjoyed it, did what I could and pray to the Great Lord, all goes well. After that, I chilled to a nearby mall, read architectural books and pretty much rewarded myself from my little adventure. To sum it all up and also a lesson learned:

Fight for what you want, what you've dreamed of and for what you love, for obstacles mean nothing when you hold strongly in what you believe in.

So right now, I'm still waiting and hoping... 'Til next time guys, Ciao!

Today...

6 Weeks after our graduation rites and still no work, well almost? I tried to apply five days before our graduation rites held on March 23, 2013. I was with my girl at the time and come to think of it, applying was not that hard at all. Some of you would say "pathetic", "ignorant" or even "noob" but looking for a job is a first for me and I never knew it would that be easy. Pushing myself to go forward and to push myself to my own emotional and physical limits was really a breeze, I guess it's only me who was holding myself back from the very beginning. I blame myself for fearing what was not yet existent or was not about to happen. It was an idiotic sympathy to my old fears of failure and expectations and I guess it's my fault too for bringing them here, "in the now"...

I fear because it's a very good instinct, fear keeps you intact, fear keeps you safe but only the frailty pulse of it. I feared too much that I can't do what is expected of me, fearing that I couldn't deliver but hell to that fear. Sometimes you have to push yourself from a building to realize that something will break your fall just before you hit the ground. Sometimes you have to the risk to stop the anxiety of not knowing what will happen. Take my advice, if ever you guys are reading this blog and if you're the kind of person that fears a lot in any circumstances such as life, job, family and basically pretty much everything. Try to know the word "risk" and I'm telling you, it works. Real damn well. It's better to try than never even trying at all.

But this wasn't possible if it weren't for #1 God (yes I know some of you or even most of you don't believe in Him or even probably laugh at the fact). I hear a little voice, a soft warmth in the air and even that gentle pat from nowhere that says "Go!" and I don't even know where I took my courage from but I guess, that little voice, that warmth and that pat and push was from Him. I can't explain how but I mustered the confidence and courage to apply for work amidst the fear, He was there. #2 My dad, yup you guys would say parents are parents and they nag you all the time to do things you don't want but don't blame them, they just want what's best from you. My dad, is an MD and he's the person I look up to all the time. I keep asking myself if I could be as good as him, he's got a lot of achievements in his life and I'm just starting to get my first one and that's getting a job but from his constant nagging, he's pushy, "don't look at me when you go down with your life" sermons and well... those "you shouldn't be doing that, you should be working already!" nagging, I guess they helped in my personal development. So Dad, thank you very much! and last but not the least, My girl. She is the person who even pushed me further, she's the one who accompanied me in all my recent and past endeavors. She helped me thru tight holes and she was there when I needed her the most. She brings out the best in me and I couldn't thank her enough for being with me eventhough I have a lot of flaws or even idiotic moves, she was there. I hope someday, I would pay her back, I don't know how but I hope I would. Baby, when you get to read this I just wanna say I love you and thank you very much for everything!

Now all I have to do is wait and wait until a call from the firms I applied to gives a call, until then and thanks for reading! Ciao!

Scared of... Tomorrow?

Right now, I'll be ranting about my current situation in life and I hope you guys get to enjoy reading it because I don't speak much to others about it. Three months of no work after graduation and people would say "Wow, you've got a great life huh?" well, to be honest? NOOO and I'll say it again... NOOOOO fuckin' NOOOOO! Do you know the feeling of playing your favorite music that you think it's epic but then when you play it again and again you get tired of hearing it? (depends on the person though :p) That's how it feels, you just get FED UP. Well I always wanted to get a job which should be a great move but then, I don't know I feel that I need it but something's been pulling me back.It's always a basic move that when you got nothing to do, then do something and that's getting a job but it may easy for some or even many but I don't know... For me, it's difficult.

I came from a very good school yet getting just a passing mark on my thesis and in general for the second time (because it never got endorsed the first time). I was just an average student back in my college years  and add those sufferings from summer classes due to mathematical and engineering subjects. Yes, to be honest I feel inferior because of these experiences in college. It may be small and laughable to some but I guess it's a part of me that I can't seem to get over with. 

Additionally. I had a summer work experience last year involving two interior design projects. At first it was smooth sailing in the early months but then there's the "eventual bad things that come" scenarios taking place. I think I fucked up those two projects due to lack of coordination, late supply deliveries, late work schedule and some discrepancies with my workers' salary (which working times have mysteriously disappeared or have been deducted) because I should be the one handling these jobs. I practically got fed up of the pressure and the wrong-goings at work and add, that my boss leaves the workplace unnoticed when I needed him the most. I quit and left my job right there, in-front of the interior design and construction team. I reasoned out on doing my thesis just to have a viable reason to get out of the job. Yet I hid the real and personal reasons behind it.

As of now, I concluded that these factors are my own personal reasons of fearing to move on. These experiences have dreaded me and made me feel inferior to the person that I am right now. I am good in the things I do but when I do corrections or errors, I suddenly become all-down low. I fear getting a new job thinking of the past experiences I had. People say that things like these should be buried in the past but for me, it's different. Especially when you remember things and experiences significant to your life. Yet time is always a deadly opponent, once you can't keep up, you'll be left in the dust.

Slowly though, I'm coping up trying to muster all my courage and confidence to get a new job and get on with the work experience. After that maybe tryout for the licensure exam for architecture. I will try to move on, I will try to stand up when I have been pushed down. I just am afraid of failing again but then it all boils down to me. And maybe realize after all these experiences, I was the one pulling myself down too.

hope it's a good read, It's my first time making a blog :)