Right now, I'll be ranting about my current situation in life and I hope you guys get to enjoy reading it because I don't speak much to others about it. Three months of no work after graduation and people would say "Wow, you've got a great life huh?" well, to be honest? NOOO and I'll say it again... NOOOOO fuckin' NOOOOO! Do you know the feeling of playing your favorite music that you think it's epic but then when you play it again and again you get tired of hearing it? (depends on the person though :p) That's how it feels, you just get FED UP. Well I always wanted to get a job which should be a great move but then, I don't know I feel that I need it but something's been pulling me back.It's always a basic move that when you got nothing to do, then do something and that's getting a job but it may easy for some or even many but I don't know... For me, it's difficult.
I came from a very good school yet getting just a passing mark on my thesis and in general for the second time (because it never got endorsed the first time). I was just an average student back in my college years and add those sufferings from summer classes due to mathematical and engineering subjects. Yes, to be honest I feel inferior because of these experiences in college. It may be small and laughable to some but I guess it's a part of me that I can't seem to get over with.
Additionally. I had a summer work experience last year involving two interior design projects. At first it was smooth sailing in the early months but then there's the "eventual bad things that come" scenarios taking place. I think I fucked up those two projects due to lack of coordination, late supply deliveries, late work schedule and some discrepancies with my workers' salary (which working times have mysteriously disappeared or have been deducted) because I should be the one handling these jobs. I practically got fed up of the pressure and the wrong-goings at work and add, that my boss leaves the workplace unnoticed when I needed him the most. I quit and left my job right there, in-front of the interior design and construction team. I reasoned out on doing my thesis just to have a viable reason to get out of the job. Yet I hid the real and personal reasons behind it.
As of now, I concluded that these factors are my own personal reasons of fearing to move on. These experiences have dreaded me and made me feel inferior to the person that I am right now. I am good in the things I do but when I do corrections or errors, I suddenly become all-down low. I fear getting a new job thinking of the past experiences I had. People say that things like these should be buried in the past but for me, it's different. Especially when you remember things and experiences significant to your life. Yet time is always a deadly opponent, once you can't keep up, you'll be left in the dust.
Slowly though, I'm coping up trying to muster all my courage and confidence to get a new job and get on with the work experience. After that maybe tryout for the licensure exam for architecture. I will try to move on, I will try to stand up when I have been pushed down. I just am afraid of failing again but then it all boils down to me. And maybe realize after all these experiences, I was the one pulling myself down too.
hope it's a good read, It's my first time making a blog :)
